There’s a day in our life when we open our eyes for the first time and see everything clearly, no lies, no hidden truth, just plain sight. It might happen when we are encouraged by a person, knowledge, almost anything. What happens when a blind, deaf and dumb person sees the world widely spread before her for the first time, hears the call of nature, smells the flowers, listens to the singsong sound of her own voice? She wants to explore, touch, hear, smell, use her newly found senses to the fullest. Well, it’s the same when I came to know about a world I never knew existed. I wanted to explore and find out more. When I did, I want to know even more. It’s like a thirst that is unquenchable.
I see the world I am in right now for what it really is, and I realize I don’t belong here. I never did. This is hell. But if I do leave and go home to the world I truly belong in, then I would hurt the ones I love, who are still oblivious to the fact that they are suffering, they are senseless. For them, it is too late. Their lives are almost over. I realize I am happy that I found my senses, happy for the fact that I at least know that I am in hell, while others around me still believe what they’re told – that they are in the right place, they are where they are supposed to be.
When I open my eyes every morning, the first thought that comes to my mind is where I am right now, what everyone thinks I am and what they expect me to be. I wish I could run away, far away, and never come back, but again, the loved ones. I can’t hurt them. Besides, they’re the ones who are holding me here as well. If anyone around here knew the real me, I’d probably be trapped here forever, never allowed to be the real me on the outside, always hiding, which is what I am doing right now.
So I turn to what is all I have left for now – hope. Hope, hope, hope. It’s all I have left, and all I can do to keep myself alive. Hope that I do get out of this hell someday, hope that one day I can finally be around people who actually love me back for the real me, hope that I won’t hurt my senseless loved ones in the process. Trust me, hope is the only thing you can do when you know you’re in hell and can do nothing about it presently. So if you’re in a similar situation, do what I do, till you get an out.
Hope.
